STEP THREE: ACCOMPLISHMENTS
Our intention in writing Good Bye and sharing accompanying articles, podcasts and resources is to support leaders and their organisations to start conversations about brighter beginnings and healthier organisations, facilitated by better attending to endings.
This is the first of a series of blog posts, taking a deeper dive into the practical application of our Four Steps of Better Endings for Brighter Beginnings: Reality, Emotions, Accomplishments and Ritual. Updated versions of these exercises, and an even deeper dive into the reasons for taking each Step, and ways to lead them, appear in Good Bye. Readers will notice that these Four Steps first appeared as Four Pillars in an article that we shared with leaders in July 2020.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS
We’re now at Step 3, Accomplishment. This work is most usefully done, after you have attended to Step 1, Reality, including the messy stuff, and Step 2 Emotions. It is also best done with support.
This step is about the completion that comes when what has been accomplished is acknowledged. It’s a step that tends to get attention when things have gone well and gets difficult when things are messy. It’s also one that can have long lasting consequences for individuals and teams trying to focus on the present and future but finding themselves repeatedly lost in thoughts and feelings that their contribution has not been recognised. It is essentially about being seen and being heard.
When an ending has gone well, the completion of a successful project or pitch for example, or someone being promoted into a role having been successful where they were, it’s probably safe to say that that the Accomplishments Step gets some automatic attention in the form of what’s essentially a ‘well done’ and ‘thank you’. Does it necessarily happen well though? This step can often be rushed. When we’re feeling pretty certain we know what has been accomplished what we might actually be doing is skipping ahead to ritual without truly giving this thought.
Here is an example. A leader got feedback that her team didn’t feel like they were thanked for their contribution, and yet this leader could point to scripts and notes where she knew she had said these things, and said them many times over. We worked with her to help her understand how she could better recognise, appreciate and acknowledge colleagues accomplishments, so they had the impact she desired. This included being specific and descriptive, and really thoughtfully linking to the companies mission and values. It transformed how her colleagues felt seen and heard and their accomplishments truly appreciated.
And what about when things have gone badly? For example, poor results or complicated confidentiality agreements when someone leaves. A consequence of tricky and messy stuff in Steps 1 and 2 can be a lack of acknowledgement of accomplishment, which is why it is important to do the work of the first two Steps, so that you are able to work out what you can acknowledge and how you can do so. Leaving without a sense of accomplishment has an impact on the individual, on those who have witnessed someone leave in that way, and on the organisations all those involved either continue or start to be a part of. Identifying accomplishment is also a key preparation for the ritual that acknowledges the end of something, and fully makes way for the beginning.
There is always something accomplished, and always a way, even if you never actually say it directly to that person, to be truthful about what has been accomplished. And if you are someone who was part of an ending where accomplishments weren’t acknowledged, and it’s still on your mind, this is work you can choose to do for yourself.
Here are some questions for working through accomplishments. We are aware as we offer this, that this is an area that people often choose not to go towards for the very reasons that we wrote the original article, in that as well as being work that releases energy, restores or embeds pride and sense of strength and builds relationships, it can also be painful, challenging and emotive work. We encourage you in doing this work, to seek support if you think you need it. We'd also encourage you to start with work on yourself, and not use these approaches to work on others unless you feel safe and qualified to do so.
You'll find more guidance in Good Bye, and you can get in touch if you'd like to work with us.
QUESTIONS FOR IDENTIFYING ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
For others:
What did they accomplish? Go back into history, up until now. Think about both what and how they contributed.
What are you grateful to them for?
What was their unique way of contributing which will be truly missed?
Or if you are doing this work for yourself:
What did you accomplish? Go back into history, up until now. Think about both what and how you contributed.
What did you contribute, what did you receive in return?
What was your unique contribution which will be truly missed?